The Invisible Weight of Chronic Illness: What No One Sees But You Feel

Recently, I found myself in full-on meltdown mode. I had just finished yet another round of bloodwork, and the results came back showing my kidney function were still low.

I was standing in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in one hand and a lab report in the other, trying to hold back the tears and figure out what in the world to do next. My brain was foggy, my body was screaming, and I couldn’t remember if I had taken my meds or eaten breakfast—or if it even mattered. I felt like I was unraveling.

And the worst part? That “you’re being dramatic” voice that creeps in like a bully. Telling me I should be stronger. That I should be able to handle this. That other people have it worse.

But the truth is: when you live with a chronic illness, there are days where just being alive feels like a full-time job.

The Invisible Weight

It’s not just the physical pain or the medical unknowns that wear me down. It’s the million little things that stack up until they crush you.

It’s the appointments that get rescheduled for the fifth time.

The hours spent Googling lab results you don’t understand.

The fact that you’re drinking all the stupid water and peeing bubbles anyway.

The fear that maybe this time, it’s not just a flare. Maybe this time it is kidney failure.

It’s the exhaustion of trying to be okay when you’re not. Of pretending to be chill when your body is low-key falling apart. Of needing help but not knowing how to ask. And on top of all of that? Life doesn’t stop. The dishes still pile up. The bills still come in. People still expect answers and smiles and RSVPs.

No wonder everything feels like too much sometimes.

What I Don’t  Do

Let me just get this out of the way:

When life feels like a dumpster fire, I do not become a productivity goddess. I don’t wake up at 5 a.m., journal about my goals, and meal prep salmon bowls.

I don’t force myself to keep pushing. I don’t fake positivity. I don’t tell myself “everything happens for a reason.”

I also don’t listen to any advice that starts with “Have you tried…” unless it comes with snacks and a hug.

I stop pretending I can fix everything. Because guess what? I can’t. And trying to muscle through it just makes me crash harder later.

What I Do Instead (That Helps Me Keep Going)

Here’s what I actually do when it all feels like too much:

• Cry. Like, ugly cry if needed. Because bottling it up just gives me a migraine.
• Breathe. One deep breath. Then another. Sometimes that’s all I can manage.
• Cancel stuff. Appointments, social plans, expectations—if it’s not essential, it’s out.
• Do one thing. Fold one shirt. Send one email. Brush my teeth. That’s it. We’re not shooting for gold stars here.
• Let someone in. I text my husband or a friend and say, “I’m not okay.” That’s the whole message. Vulnerability is scary, but hiding is worse.
• Grab my heating pad, my favorite socks, and get in bed. Sometimes survival looks like coziness.

That’s it. No magical routine. Just giving myself permission to stop fighting so hard and start being where I’m at.

The Truth I Come Back To

Here’s the truth I have to keep relearning:

Just because I can’t do everything doesn’t mean I’m failing.

Just because I’m overwhelmed doesn’t mean I’m weak.

Just because my body is struggling doesn’t mean my spirit is broken.

Sometimes, staying in bed is the brave choice.

Sometimes, not giving up is the win.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing I can do is say, “This is hard,” and keep breathing anyway.

For the One Who’s in It Right Now

If you’re in the thick of it right now—whether it’s kidney stuff like me or something else entirely—I see you.

You’re not lazy.

You’re not a burden.

You’re not too much.

You’re a human dealing with more than most people can see. And you’re still here. That matters.

So today, do the thing that helps you feel just 1% more grounded. Cry, rest, write, cancel, snack, pray, scream into a pillow. Whatever you need. Just don’t forget: You are not alone in this.