This conversation follows Aubree’s seven-year search for a diagnosis, the emotional toll of not being believed, and the day-after prayer moment that led—miraculously—to answers. She explains CIRS in plain language, why her family had to walk away from their home and most possessions, and what rebuilding practically and spiritually looked like in the middle of a pandemic. We explore DNRS brain rewiring, reframing guilt, and holding both hope and reality with chronic illness. Aubree also shares how Mom Intentional was born: from the gap between “getting better” and having the skills and systems to actually live well. If you’re in the thick of waiting, grieving, or starting over, this one offers honesty, tools, and a steady thread of faith.
🛠️ Tools, Resources & Mentions:
- CIRS (Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome) – overview discussed in episode
- DNRS (Dynamic Neural Retraining System) – Aubree’s year-long brain rewiring program
- Mom Intentional Podcast – Mom Intentional by Aubree Felderhoff
- Finding Mom Assessment (quiz) – on Mom Intentional site (see links below)
🙋♀️ Guest Info:
- Name: Aubree Felderhoff
- Bio: Mom of three, CIRS survivor, host of Mom Intentional. She helps overwhelmed moms build intentional systems at home and reclaim their spark after hard seasons.
🛠️ Resources & Links
- Website: momintentional.com
- Podcast: Mom Intentional on Apple Podcasts
- Instagram: @momintentional
- Mom Personality Quiz: Take the quiz here
- Contact Aubree: hello@momintentional.com
🎧 Credits
The Invisible Illness Club Podcast is hosted by April Aramanda.
Editing and production by April Aramanda.
Podcast music: licensed track.
Transcription
Aubree Felderhoff: Uh just very very active. And after I had my second son, things started to change really rapidly. And that was kind of the start of the illness. I don’t know if you want me to start right then and dive in or if Okay.
April Aramanda: Yeah, start right there and dive in for us.
Aubree Felderhoff: So after I had my second son, like I said, I started experiencing uh what at first I thought were weird postpartum s, you know, symptoms. And I went to doctors and they told me that’s typical. You know, you have two boys, two little kids. This is normal. You need more naps and you need a better multivitamin. And that was the start of seven years, over 30 doctors. Some telling me it was all in my head, some telling me I got all sorts of diagnosises.
April Aramanda: Wow.
Aubree Felderhoff: is I had all sorts of symptoms. But in the long run, we finally figured out what my answer was. And once we were able to figure out, you know, what the actual illness was, I was able to start on the path of the long road to recovery.
April Aramanda: Wow. So, you spent seven years searching for answers, saw over 30 doctors. What was that like emotionally? Not just physically, because that’s a lot to do physically, but what was that like emotionally for you?
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah, I think the hardest part of that entire process was feeling unvalidated and being told more often than not that my symptoms were symptoms more of a mental disorder rather than anything quote unquote wrong with me. that it was in my mind that I was negative or uh this was normal for a mom to feel this way and to have these things or it’s bad luck and you know some of these things are just
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: genetic things because I was getting all sorts of diagnosises and having more and more symptoms that kind of ran across my body system.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: So I um my heart became enlarged and I lost a lot of my vision. I lost all of my night vision, a lot of my peripheral vision. I all of a sudden was losing my hearing.
Aubree Felderhoff: I lost most of my hair. I was having blackouts and seizure- like activity. I would have days where it would I would think it would be a stomach bug where I was vomiting and sick and then it would go away and it would go the opposite where I couldn’t go to the bathroom. I would have weeks where I couldn’t sleep at all and I was manic almost at night and then I would dip into this severe fatigue where I couldn’t get off the floor for a month.
April Aramanda: Wow.
Aubree Felderhoff: You know, it was kind of all over. I lost so much hair. just so many different areas, so many joint problems and really oh and my thyroid, you know, the hormones and the endocrine system and um it it was hard to peg what it was.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: But most of the doctors I learned, at least in the traditional setting when I first started out, they seemed to struggle with if they couldn’t figure out what it was and put a label on it, then it was me.
Aubree Felderhoff: It was it was in my head and it was because it wasn’t them.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: It wasn’t their lack of knowledge. You know that humility.
April Aramanda: Right. Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: Thank you.
April Aramanda: Yeah. It’s funny because I was actually talking to a doctor about this yesterday. How this is one of the main topics that runs across chronic illness circles is that, you know, doctors ignore them or make them feel invalidated or tell you it’s just because you’re a woman or, you know, a mom, a new mom or whatever. And he, you know, he and I both agree because I come from, my father’s a doctor. And so I know like there are there are doctors who completely just can’t let go of their ego and there are doctors who just don’t have the education and they don’t know what to do with it and so it goes both ways. Um so you finally got your diagnosis of CIRS. Could you tell us what that is?
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes, that stands for SER.
Aubree Felderhoff: So, chronic inflammatory response syndrome. And it means that my body genetically, you know, we all have genes. And my specific genes have some genotypes that cause me to struggle to detox. Mold, biotoxins, Lyme disease, a lot of illnesses like COVID, um some infections. my body is missing kind of a communication line that communicates um that this is an invader and it needs to be tagged and taken out and instead it causes my body to kind of turn on itself. So, I have a lot of autoimmune issues and these micotoxins or these illnesses or these infections as they’re trying to get out circulate throughout my body and they cause this chronic inflammation, hence the name, in all of the different systems because my body doesn’t have the capability to actually take it and remove it like a normal person.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so that’s why it looked like I had lupus for a while and MS and then I got a brain scan because I had levels that showed I should have a brain tumor and I had an enlarged heart and all these different things that were happening to me were all caused by the same root cause.
Aubree Felderhoff: But it was hard to peg because it looks so different in so many different areas.
April Aramanda: Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of a lot of us know that any kind of symptoms that we get can mimic all kinds of disorders and diseases. And so trying to figure out all of that, no wonder it took so long because you’ve got doctors who don’t know anything about it, but you’ve also got doctors who are like, “This looks like lupus. This looks like MS. This looks like, you know, whatever it is.” And that’s really hard, too. But once you had the clarity of what you were dealing with, what changed for you?
Aubree Felderhoff: Well, at first I was in shock and denial uh because it’s not something you can see.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: Kind of the name of your podcast, right? The invisible illness.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: you can’t see micotoxins and I couldn’t see what the cause was. And so it was really hard for me to grasp and believe.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: It was almost as if I had been broken. My spirit had been broken to where I was starting to believe that it it was actually just me. Like I was a hypochondric and I just wasn’t as tough as other moms and I wasn’t, you know, I couldn’t cut it. Like all of these negative thoughts.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so I really struggled with the diagnosis at first. I was not relieved. Um, and it it came with a a burden too of because it was a disease that involved me not being able to detox micotoxins, we had to move from our home and leave everything that we owned. And this was in the middle of COVID. I had three boys at that time. So, that that’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s like having a fire except insurance doesn’t cover it and you know it’s coming and you’re just standing there watching everything blow up in your face and you know, it’s hard.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: It’s hard to swallow that. So, yeah, I wish I could say it was like, oh, it was a happy ending, but no, it took it was a hard transition.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: It was a hard restart. And even when I got into another house and we had nothing and like I said, it was COVID, so we were sleeping on the floor. I mean, because I was thinking, oh, I’ll go get more. I’ll go get mattresses.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: I’ll go get Well, all that stuff was closed. Everything was closed, you know?
April Aramanda: Yeah, that’s great.
Aubree Felderhoff: Everything was shut down. It was really, you know, I have impeccable timing, I’ve learned. But, um, but yeah, it took me a while. You know, as my body started detoxing, I got sicker instead of better. And I eventually really had to lean on something that I feel like is not super common knowledge or at least it wasn’t to me in the chronic illness world, but it was brain rewiring and teaching my brain how to get out of this fight and flight because I had been there for so long with the trauma and I had a childhood that had a lot of trauma and so it I just had always been in flight
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: and fight and you know stepping out of something that traumatic it didn’t go back to normal. And so I had to do a year of a program called DNRS.
April Aramanda: Yeah, that’s good.
Aubree Felderhoff: And that truly changed my life more than anything else. In fact, I got off all the detox medicine, all the supplements, none of that stuff was helping me. It was making me worse. But the DNRS and being out of the house made a tremendous difference for me.
April Aramanda: That’s awesome. Yeah, if you don’t know, um, doing something like DNRS is it it is possible to retrain your brain. It is actually a possible thing.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes.
April Aramanda: Um, one of the things that I try to talk about is finding one good thing out of your day and writing it down or being grateful for it or whatever. And even if it’s literally as simple, I got up and brushed my teeth and then I had to lay back down. Well, you got up and brushed your teeth.
April Aramanda: Because what happens over time by training our brain to notice good and not the lies we’re telling ourselves or the bad things that are happening around us, we actually start rewiring I’m tongue tied. Rewiring our brain to actually notice good rather than bad. And so something like what you’re talking about is um I’m assuming a program that is a little more intensive than what I’m saying but is actually something that can happen. So that’s awesome.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes.
April Aramanda: Well, I know that you are a believer and so you have said that God um literally provided you an answer.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes.
April Aramanda: Can you share that moment and how your faith kind of carried you through all of that?
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah, it’s a really cool story. So, like I said, I was sick for seven years. I had at that point three little boys and life was not good. I mean, we were all sick at that point. And I was really feeling helpless and hopeless after going to all these top-notch doctors and specialists.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And I had even left the traditional medicine world and done the functional medicine and the integrated, you know, I had done all these different doctors and I really lost hope. And so one day I just prayed for God to either take me or help me because I felt I mean we had drained our bank account. Hundreds of thousands of dollars, you know, being spent and nothing was helping.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: I felt a burden to my family, which is a horrible thing to say, but I couldn’t take care of my kids. I had to have someone I couldn’t drive anymore. I was had such severe vertigo and blackouts and all these things. So I had to have someone come take me. My husband constantly was having to take off work to take me to all these doctors for all these things. And I just felt I felt worthless at that point. It was horrible. And so I prayed to God, just take me. Take me take me or fix me.
Aubree Felderhoff: Like I don’t know what I’m doing here and what the point is, but you know, at this point, I’m done.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: I have no fight left.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And it was literally oh, it was the worst moment of my life. I I remember it very vividly. But literally the next day, uh, he gave me a miracle. And he, my husband was at work and he was getting ready to leave to take me to my cardiologist appointment and was telling the new man that he had hired, he was having to leave to take me, you know, and the man asked a question. Why is your wife who is in at the time I was in my 30s, why is she, you know, a healthy woman going to a cardiologist? Like is there something?
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so he started explaining what was going on and the man who we did not know said that sounds like my sister-in-law out in Illinois, a completely different state. I live in Texas and you should call her.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so he brought home the information. I’m like, there’s no way. They they told me that she had s. And I’m like, no, our house was brand new. We hadn’t had water leaks. So, and we had actually checked when we when I first got sick.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: We had checked and it tested negative. And so I said, there’s no way. But I just felt this earning to call her. And so I eventually did later that day as my day got worse. And we ended up talking for two hours. And I we shared the exact same symptoms. I mean, very similar stories.
April Aramanda: Wow.
Aubree Felderhoff: And it was just very chilling to realize that someone else out there was like me. And she told me about a specialist that she saw out in Colorado and had me call him.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And I called him and talked with him. and I felt more confirmation that this actually might be my answer.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so we prayed about it and we flew, my husband and I flew out to Colorado and spent three days there doing the testing. It was very intensive, of course. And yeah, from there we got the diagnosis and moved forward. But it literally was not a coincidence that this brand new boy No. No. Yeah.
April Aramanda: Yeah, God doesn’t do coincidences. Yeah, that is an amazing story. That’s fantastic. I love it when God does that. those little uh god weeks um is a term I heard that I like.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes.
April Aramanda: That’s just really cool. Um well, so your symptoms are a lot better, a lot more manageable at this point, but chronic illness never really goes away. And so how do you hold both hope for healing and the reality of the fact that you’re living with someone that’s something that’s longterm?
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah, it’s hard. That’s the hardest part is they never go away. And then, you know, with chronic illness, at least with mine and anyone else that I’ve talked to, it’s a lot of up and down.
Aubree Felderhoff: You think you’re doing better for a while and maybe you are, and then you have a little bit of a relapse and then you take two steps forward and one step back. And so, it’s very taxing. It’s very hard to stay faithful through through it all.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: I think my top suggestion is always prayer. you know, praying, asking God for guidance, and sometimes, I’m gonna be honest, I’m so frustrated or I’m so just taken to my knees.
April Aramanda: Mhm.
Aubree Felderhoff: I can’t believe that I’m still dealing with this. Why is this my thorn in the flesh, God?
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: You know, why can’t I have a different thorn in the flesh? Um, and so I just pray for God to give me peace. That’s all I can do. Or help if I can’t get anything else out of my mouth.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: And then the other thing after you get past, you know, doing doing prayer and making sure you’re in communication at all times with God, I try to do a lot of reframing kind of like what you were talking
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: about being grateful. And, you know, this is terrible having a chronic illness and having to deal with something that feels like a thorn in the flesh forever. But I’m really grateful that it’s me and not my kids. You know, there’s always there’s always someone that might have it worse.
April Aramanda: Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: And sometimes when we get in that dark deep spot, it’s hard to see outside of ourself and realize, you know, that it’s not the end of the world. And even though it feels that way, even on on your worst days, but I like to remember God gave this to me.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And I like to think maybe he was protecting my kids from it, you know, like it could have been my children that were dealing with this.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: And maybe they I don’t know.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: We didn’t get their genetics tested. I know that they’ve had exposure. Maybe they are. In fact, there’s some things that make me think there are some things going on with them.
Aubree Felderhoff: But I’m so grateful that I get to go through it and I get to learn and I get to know everything I can possibly know about how to handle this illness and the best way forward so that if
April Aramanda: Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: my kids or my grandkids or my best friend, if anyone goes through this, I can then pass that on and help them and be a resource that’s very knowledgeable and comforting.
April Aramanda: Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so that gives me comfort even in the hard that it’s me and not my kids. And I think any parent would want to take that away from their kids, right?
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: Like Yeah.
April Aramanda: No kidding. Oh, I like that. I like the way that you’re reframing that because it’s true. It could be our kids, you know, and I would rather me go through it first.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes.
April Aramanda: um I’d rather them not get it at all, but if it’s something that’s, you know, genetically possible, you know, there’s there’s that chance.
Aubree Felderhoff: Right.
April Aramanda: And so I would rather be able to help someone else.
April Aramanda: Um which is why I do the podcast. So um Okay. So how um you had to leave all your home and all your belongings behind, right? Um, what was that loss like for you and your family?
Aubree Felderhoff: It’s definitely a grieving process. Um, for me, I feel it was it was probably especially hard because I had a lot of guilt that came with that. having to throw away all of my kids belongings and stuffies and special memories and you know all the all the stuff that it’s a little thing but your Bible that you keep notes on and you tab and and you have all these things in there. Yes, it’s replaceable but it’s it’s hard to replace all of that. You know, I it’s hard to lay that down and like your kids handprint pictures and your keepsake Christmas ornaments that were passed down from grandma and all of these things had to go.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: I mean that nothing was able to come with us, even my car. I mean, we we were pretty severe.
Aubree Felderhoff: We had to do um so it was a lot of a lot of grief, a lot of guilt for me.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: um I I definitely don’t want to do it again. But I also felt a sense of peace that I was finally doing something that I knew wasn’t just spinning my wheels.
April Aramanda: No, right.
Aubree Felderhoff: Like I knew God had given me the answer. I knew he had called me to be obedient even though I didn’t want to. I could have chosen to tell the doctor he was crazy and said, “No, we’re gonna stay here and put some filters in,” which we did a bunch of stuff anyways, but put some filters in and I’m sure it
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: will go away.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: Um, but I I knew I was being called to step into obedience even though I couldn’t see. I couldn’t see the physical reason why.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: It wasn’t like we had, you know, bones sticking out and you can see that and know, oh, I need to fix that.
Aubree Felderhoff: So that was that was hard.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: But it was a good faith grower for me um in that season.
April Aramanda: So, having to give all that stuff away just because I don’t understand your particular um autoimmune condition, um was that because you didn’t know what was touched with everything or you don’t know what’s setting off your stuff or how how does that work?
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah. So with uh mold it offshoots spores. So imagine like if you’re coughing, there’s a bunch of microscopic germs that kind of grew out everywhere.
April Aramanda: Right. Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: So that’s what happens with mold. It sends out spores. You can’t see them, but they basically cover everything. They can be floating in the air.
April Aramanda: Okay.
Aubree Felderhoff: Um they can touch everything. And so you we can’t see, but it was inside our house, which meant that everything had been touched by the air and the spores.
April Aramanda: Okay.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so we couldn’t take anything. I take that back.
Aubree Felderhoff: We were allowed to take anything that was glass. We had to go through a certain cleaning process and it was very drawn out. Uh but glass, anything that’s pure metal, um anything that’s completely not porous. So nothing wood, no furniture, no papers, no cloth, that sort of thing.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: But my plates, I could do a process to clean them and bring them in. Um but you know, 99% of our belongings are not glass, so
April Aramanda: Right. Yeah. Well, thank you for that clarification because I’m sitting here I was sitting here wondering what is the specific reason that you had to do that and so that makes more sense now. Um, how so how did y’all even begin to rebuild? And and I don’t mean just practically but like emotionally and spiritually too. I mean that’s a huge upheaval for you, for your family. So how did you begin to rebuild after that?
Aubree Felderhoff: It’s one step at a time. It was a lot of me having to let go of control because I like to control.
Aubree Felderhoff: Uh I think I’m probably not alone in that.
April Aramanda: Me too.
Aubree Felderhoff: I think a lot of women in particular, probably men too, but you know, women, moms, we like to feel like we’re in control.
April Aramanda: Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: This was something I didn’t have control of. And I didn’t have control necessarily of the outcome. And I didn’t have control that the pandemic started the day after we realized we had to move and had sold our house and had to move.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: You know, I didn’t have control over any of that.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so it really was a season of me depending on God and just surrendering this facade that I had it all together.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: I had to ask for help and I am horrible at that. and I had to be humble enough to accept help. And it wasn’t even a lot because like I said, it was the very beginning of the complete shutdown of the world. And so, nobody wanted to be around anyone else, you know, but just asking for any sort of help or prayers or letting people know what was really going on and the the kind of tragedy that I felt like
April Aramanda: Right, right, right.
Aubree Felderhoff: I was dealing with and letting people know I’m not okay and and here’s what’s actually happening.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: It was very humbling. Um, but I had to lean on a lot of other people. I had to lean a lot on God and not on myself. And it was really just taking it one one day at a time, you know.
April Aramanda: Yeah. Isn’t it neat how he does that sometimes? How he kind of humbles us and he’s like, “Look, you can’t do this. There’s no way you in your own flesh can do this. You have to lean on me now.” I
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes.
April Aramanda: I find that a sometimes difficult but very neat thing that he does um to get our attention. So, out of this journey came your heart for supporting moms through mom intentional.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah.
April Aramanda: What led you to start that specifically?
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah. It’s kind of a again kind of funny story, but I obviously during the first seven years of being sick could not be the mom that you know I pictured before I became a mom.
Aubree Felderhoff: I I pictured myself being a mom and doing fun things with my kids and always on the go and doing adventures and being crafty and teaching and nurturing.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And as I got sick and got worn down, I mean, I got to the point, like I said, I couldn’t drive anymore, so we couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t sit up. I was so fatigued and so dizzy and vomiting so much. So, I just laid on the floor. So, I had to get really creative. But obviously, my brain wasn’t really in the prime position to even be creative.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: So, it was a struggle. And with that probably came more guilt than I’ve ever had in my entire life. I didn’t know I didn’t know that guilt could exist like this, but I harbored such guilt on what a you know failure of a mom I was and how much I had stolen from my kids’ happy childhood and how much I felt that I wasn’t building them up in the way and disappointing them in the way that you know I had hoped.
Aubree Felderhoff: So it was really really hard and I fully expected that the answer to all of this was to get well. I thought once I got well, once I put my eyes on the prize once I figure out my answer and I get well, I’m just going to immediately, you know, be that mom because I’ll be my old self.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: Well, what happened was I got well and I was a complete hot mess. I was dropping the ball left and right. I was trying to basically catch up on this life that had been on pause for almost a decade at that point. And I had no infrastructure, no systems, no skill set on how to be a mom, run a house, possibly start a business, meal plan, spend quality time with my husband, make friends, you know, because when you are in
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: chronic illness and you’re deep in it, it’s not exactly the time that you feel like going out and being cheery and making friends. So, I was very lonely. I didn’t know how to make friends.
Aubree Felderhoff: All these other moms had made friends and had these support groups.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: I didn’t. And so I really recognized once I started getting well that I needed a system to become a better, more intentional mom. It wasn’t just going to happen.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: I hadn’t been taught. I didn’t have the skill set. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was still overwhelmed. And it made me realize that there’s a lot of other moms like that. Maybe it’s not chronic illness. Maybe it’s not my chronic illness, but maybe it’s a divorce or a death. Or maybe it was not modeled to them in a childhood situation. You know, they had a hard upbringing or maybe they were in foster. I mean, who knows? Maybe there was nothing quote unquote wrong or dramatic, but we weren’t taught how to run a house, be a mom, be intentional, still take care of oursel and our husband, have a relationship with God. Like, that’s not usually taught to us.
Aubree Felderhoff: There’s no academy for that or and so mom guilt’s a real thing.
April Aramanda: Mhm.
Aubree Felderhoff: There’s so many moms, the more that I’ve learned and talked to people that are struggling with, I don’t know how to be the mom I want to be.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: I don’t know how to be intentional. I am flying by the seat of my pants. trying to survive. Whether or not I’m stuck in chronic illness or a divorce or a death, you know, I’m just in survival mode. I don’t know how to get out of it. And so that once I realized that and started working on Aubrey, you’ve got to take a step back and teach yourself how to be a good mom, how to be a good wife, how to be a good, you
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: know, child of God, how to do all these things. I took a couple years to train myself, do courses and classes and go through programs and experiment. And at the end of that and talking, you know, joining groups and talking to different people and learning, okay, I’m not alone in this, making friends.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: At at the end of that, I I felt a passion in my heart to help moms who are struggling, you know, who who really wanted, like I did, this deep desire to be this amazing mom, like the best mom I could be, but feeling as if you might be failing them or even yourself or your husband in that department. just you’re not the best you can be and you want it so badly but you don’t know how. And so that is how Mom Intentional was started and it started as a podcast, you know, just talking about how to set up systems in the home, how to set up more intentional relationships and better communication with your spouse, how to do a better job of spending one-on-one time with your kids, and how to parent, you know, different kids, different needs, how to do that. And since then, it’s grown into coaching and a Facebook community and this bigger community. Uh it’s been a lot of fun. And it’s not specific just for chronic illness, but I’ve just really enjoyed getting to minister to moms in that way because I have been there.
Aubree Felderhoff: I think we all have been there of feeling like, man, I really wish that I had, you know, a mentor to put their their arm around my shoulder and lift me up right now and tell me, hey, you’re
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: doing a good job. Let me help you through this, you know.
April Aramanda: Yeah. Yeah. But we moms uh many moms I mean even myself when my kid was little often feel like you know we’ve lost ourselves in motherhood and we don’t know who we are and we don’t know how to do all
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah.
April Aramanda: the things and so I mean and I grew up with a great mom and I still didn’t know how to deal with some things in motherhood because that’s kind of just how it goes for life you know.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah. Yeah.
April Aramanda: So what encouragement or tools do you offer that help them kind of reclaim their spark so that they can then fill you know other people’s lives as well.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So, the first thing that I feel like we kind of lose whenever, you know, we feel as if we’re losing our our spark and don’t know ourselves anymore is that self-awareness of even knowing, you know, who who am I?
Aubree Felderhoff: What are my strengths? What do I like to do? I don’t even know anymore.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: You know, I knew the teenage me and the young adult and maybe even the young married, but once you have kids, you know, you can’t prepare for something that you’ve never done.
April Aramanda: Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so, you don’t know how reactive having children is, but it does put our life into reactive. It’s hard to be proactive. And so, I always recommend that first step of moms is taking a step back and getting some self-awareness around where am I even struggling? like at what part do I feel my heart beating or you know I’m feeling lost and I actually created it’s a really fun quiz. It’s called the finding mom assessment and it helps moms to do that.
April Aramanda: out.
Aubree Felderhoff: So it looks at who you were or who you felt you were before motherhood. You know what you enjoy doing, what you were good at doing and then what you are doing now in motherhood.
April Aramanda: He
Aubree Felderhoff: what you’re doing, what maybe you miss doing or what you feel like is causing tension. And it lines those twos two up and helps you to identify what your superpowers are, what the what the god-given talents are that you possess that maybe you don’t know about and how to use those then to apply them into motherhood. Because I think a lot of us as a mom, we parent out of what we think the world says is a good mom.
April Aramanda: Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: And it’s so confusing. It’s so confusing.
April Aramanda: Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: And God has given us all obviously different talents, different strengths, different stories. And so I have learned for me that it’s really important to figure out what I’m good at, what I like doing, and using those strengths to pour into my children, my husband, and my home.
April Aramanda: Mhm. Mhm.
Aubree Felderhoff: and letting go of the expectations and this high pressure that I had to do the other things that I thought, you know, Pinterest showed made a good mom or my friend Sally down the street made a good mom.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so that quiz is really fun. It’ll it’ll give you a profile. I found out I was an achiever architect mom, which fits me perfectly. I love boxes to check. I like to feel like I’m achieving.
April Aramanda: Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: I like to set up systems. I am not like one of my best friends is a creative mom. She’s so creative. She could play Barbie doll with her kids all day long and have this free play pretend play and she’s wonderful at it and it drills it drives her and it fills her cup. Me it makes me feel like a bad mom because the whole time I’m checking my watch like when is this over? I do not like but you know put me put me on a board game with my kids and it gives me something to achieve.
April Aramanda: Yeah. Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: You know even if I win or lose who cares?
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: It gives me something where I’m like, “Okay, we played five board games today or we read three books or we, you know, it gives me I shine there and my kids shine there.”
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And so I think that’s really important, finding out what your strengths are and how to integrate them into motherhood instead of trying to be all those pieces that maybe you’re just not. And that’s okay.
April Aramanda: I tell you, I wish I’d had that around when when I was a young mom.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes.
April Aramanda: That would have been nice because I always felt like I was failing at something, you know? So, that would have been fantastic.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes.
April Aramanda: Well, we’ll definitely be linking that in the show notes for people because I love that.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah.
April Aramanda: I think that’s fantastic. Um, what would you say to someone who feels unseen and is still searching for those answers and maybe they’re losing hope?
Aubree Felderhoff: Awesome. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I’ve I’ve been there. I’ve been there more than once. I’ve been there more than once. I feel you, sister. I I I mean, it’s it’s so hard. And you know, you tend to feel I tend to feel I felt as if nobody gets this.
Aubree Felderhoff: Nobody understands. You know, other people might have other illnesses, right, or other hardships, but nobody gets my story.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: And you’re right. Like, nobody nobody does. Nobody has the exact same circumstances that you do.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: But God gets it, you know, and he’s given you that for a reason. We may not know this side of heaven which is so hard to grapple with but he’s given that to you for a reason. And so cling to him and go to him and just keep praying. Keep believing. I know sometimes it’s so hard to believe. And in those times even when you when your faith just feels like I have no energy left to fight then just pray for God to give you that fight. Pray. That’s all you have to you know pray. God please help give me that fight because today I don’t feel like fighting anymore. I am I am broken. I’m tired. I’m done. You know, pray for that.
Aubree Felderhoff: But just keep going back to the word. Keep going back to scripture. Keep going back to truth. He will not fail you. You know, he is with you. And and we don’t understand. We don’t understand why, you know, and and we may not ever understand why.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: And we may hate it. And it may be adorned in our flesh forever, but there is God is always good. And there’s always a reason why you are in this situation that that we might get on the other side, you know, of this earth in heaven.
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: But he will not he will not forsake you. He will not leave you. So just keep clinging to him. You know, that would that would be my top thing, which I know is hard, but it’s got me through a lot.
April Aramanda: Well, that actually answered my next question. What’s one step you could do intentionally to move out of the overwhelm? Well, how about cling to God?
April Aramanda: I love it. I love it.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes. Yes.
April Aramanda: All right. So, I always like to try, if I remember, to ask three questions that are just fun, right? And to kind of get to know you a little better. So, if you had one whole day with zero responsibilities, no kids, no appointments, your illness is not flaring, how would you spend it?
Aubree Felderhoff: I would go to the beach.
April Aramanda: I love it.
Aubree Felderhoff: I would go to the beach. I love the beach. I live in Texas, so we don’t really have where I am, we do not have a beach by us.
April Aramanda: Go.
Aubree Felderhoff: And it is hot. It is so hot. Even though it’s quoteunquote fall right now, it is 105 degrees. And I love the beach. That is where I feel the most connected to God. And I just look around at all these grains of sand. you know that he’s created every single grain of sand and every bird and every wave and it’s just it’s just amazing to consider that the person the the creator of the world that created all of that also created
April Aramanda: Mhm.
Aubree Felderhoff: me with intention you know it was no it was no accident it’s not an accident that I have the chronic illness that I have I don’t like it but there is a purpose behind it wasn’t an accident that
April Aramanda: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: I was given my three boys and that I struggled as a mom for so long with anger and depression and all these other things that we didn’t even talk about.
April Aramanda: No.
Aubree Felderhoff: You know, I struggled with all of that. That wasn’t an accident. Like God knew what he was doing and he he gave me those babies for a reason even though I didn’t feel equipped, you know, and sometimes I still don’t feel equipped to be the mom that they need.
April Aramanda: Yeah, it’s my favorite place.
Aubree Felderhoff: I think we all go through that. But just I would love to go Yeah. just hang out at the beach and do whatever I want. Walk and collect seashells. Yes, the same.
April Aramanda: I’m looking forward to our upcoming vacation because that’s where we’re going.
April Aramanda: So, and I mean I’m in Florida now, but I am from Texas and I know there are no good beaches in Texas.
Aubree Felderhoff: Oh, okay. No, no.
April Aramanda: No. So, I am I always get excited. We go every other year to our condo out there and I’m always excited when we get to go to the beach because it’s beautiful and it’s peaceful and it’s just a wonderful place.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes. I love it.
April Aramanda: All right. So, what is a small thing that instantly makes you feel like yourself again when life feels really heavy
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah. Well, I think probably for me something that was a part of me before I ever got sick was being physically fit, moving my bottom. My bottom.
April Aramanda: that too?
Aubree Felderhoff: I mean, technically it does move. Yeah, it moves a little bit more now.
April Aramanda: It does. Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: my bottom and my body like to move together.
April Aramanda: There you go.
Aubree Felderhoff: So, but I would say moving.
April Aramanda: Love it.
Aubree Felderhoff: So, there have been and recently I’ve had a bit of a relapse with my health. And so, I’ve really struggled, you know, again, it’s it’s never I I wish it was like this perfect ending where I ride off in the sunset and I can say, “Oh, this is gone and I never have to
April Aramanda: Right.
Aubree Felderhoff: deal with this.” But it’s not. And it’s it’s going to be, you know, a little bit of an up and down that I get to fight forever, right?
April Aramanda: Fun times.
Aubree Felderhoff: It’ll get it’s much better. It’s much better. I’m sitting up and I’m talking. I’m still, you know, but it’s a bit of a struggle. So, even recently when I was struggling with I cannot believe that I’m dealing with, you know, health issues again. It was the idea of I’m so overwhelmed. I’m so panicked. The first thing I thought was I need to get outside and just walk because nature calms me.
April Aramanda: Yeah.
Aubree Felderhoff: and walk without headphones, walk without, you know, someone in my ear.
Aubree Felderhoff: I call them God walks, but I will go outside. I will go on a walk and I will just talk to God. I probably look crazy in my neighborhood because I’ I’m physically talking to him, you know, I’m not doing my head, but it’s the only way for me to get out of my head. Like, if I just talk to him in my head, other thoughts come in. But if I’m audibly speaking, and I learned that through DNRS, too. You audibly say, it physically moves your body.
April Aramanda: Mhm.
Aubree Felderhoff: It changes your state and it helps you to snap out of whatever that panic or the sadness or you know moving your body connecting to nature getting connected to God and speaking to him always helps me always.
April Aramanda: Right. That’s awesome. All right. Last question for this. Coffee, tea, or something else. What is your go-to fuel for mom life and podcasting days?
Aubree Felderhoff: Okay. Well, I was going to say all three until you said go to fuel.
Aubree Felderhoff: So, coffee.
April Aramanda: Yes.
Aubree Felderhoff: I love coffee and there have been many times that I have done all these, you know, crazy quote unquote miracle diets and trying to fix things and got caffeine pulled for me and nobody in my house likes it. I don’t like it. I’m not a nice person. It does not make me feel better. So, I’m done with that. I like coffee.
April Aramanda: Yeah, enjoy what you can enjoy.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yes. Exactly.
April Aramanda: All right. So, where can listeners connect with you? Learn more about you and Mom Intentional and take the mom personality quiz.
Aubree Felderhoff: Yeah. So, I have a Mom Intentional podcast. It’s just Mom Intentional. And I also have the website where my quiz is. It’s https://www.momintentional.com. And then once you get on that website, if you go up to the top, you’ll see finding mom quiz. And you just click on that and the quiz is right there on the website. I also have an Aubrey AI little popup chat.
April Aramanda: Wow.
Aubree Felderhoff: So, if you’re Yeah. If you’ve got a question about, you know, a recipe or how do I organize my pantry or my 14-year-old is not listening and I feel like she’s out of control and I don’t know how to handle this. What are some suggestions? Like, it kind of runs the gamut. It’s really fun to play with. So, yeah.
April Aramanda: That’s awesome. I’ll have to consider one of those one day. That’s fun. Well, Aubrey, thank you so much for being with us today. We really greatly appreciate your time.
Aubree Felderhoff: Thank you, April. It was fun.