This episode is for the ones holding faith in one hand and pain in the other. I share my honest journey of praying, believing, and still living with chronic illnessโand the quiet shame, grief, and questions that come with it. Together, weโll unpack the wrestle of faith when healing doesnโt come, the ways God still shows up in the waiting, and how to redefine miracles beyond physical healing. Whether youโre in a flare, walking through a diagnosis, or simply feeling forgotten, this conversation is an open door to breathe, to grieve, and to believe againโright here in the in-between.
๐ Resources & Mentions
- The Unseen Sisterhood Newsletter โ Weekly encouragement for living with chronic illness. Join here
- Related Podcast Episode: What Chronic Illness is Teaching Me About God
- Book Recommendation: Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering by Timothy Keller
- Free Resource: The One-Minute Joy Journal
Transcript
Today Iโm sharing what itโs like to believe in a God who can healโฆ and still live in a body that isnโt healed.
This isnโt a testimony with a pretty bow.
Itโs a confession from the in-between.
๐ PART 1: When the Healing Doesnโt Come
What do you do when youโve prayed every prayer?
Laid hands on your body.
Believed for a miracle.
Anointed the oil. Quoted the verses. Fasted.
And stillโฆ
You wake up in pain. Again.
You hear the stories of breakthrough. Youโve celebrated with others.
But privatelyโฆ youโre still waiting. Still sick. Still asking,
God, where are You in this?
๐ PART 2: The Quiet Shame of Unhealed Faith
Thereโs a grief that comes when healing doesnโt happen.
And itโs not just physicalโitโs spiritual.
Because we start to wonder:
- Is it my fault?
- Do I not have enough faith?
- Did I miss something? Did I mess something up?
- Is God disappointed in me?
And letโs be honestโitโs hard to talk about this in church.
When everyoneโs shouting โHeโs a Healer!โ and youโre whispering,
โButโฆ what if He doesnโt?โ
We carry this quiet shame, like weโre defective disciples.
And that shame isolates us more than the illness ever could.
โ๏ธ PART 3: What I Know to Be True (Even When It Hurts)
I donโt have a perfect answer for why healing hasnโt come.
But hereโs what I do know:
God has not left me.Heโs not punishing me.And Heโs not withholding something to teach me a lesson.
We live in a broken world. A fallen world. And sometimes healing looks like eternity, not earth.
But even hereโeven nowโI have seen God show up:
- In the kindness of friends who sit with me in the pain.
- In the strength that somehow shows up when I have none.
- In the whispered reminders that I am still loved, still held, still wholeโeven in a broken body.
๐ฑ PART 4: Redefining Miracles
Maybe the miracle isnโt the healing.
Maybe the miracle is that I still believe.
That I still show up.
That I still prayโeven if itโs just, โGod, help me make it through today.โ
Faith doesnโt mean never doubting.
Faith means holding on in the doubt.
Iโve stopped asking for a mountaintop testimony.
And started seeing the holiness in the ordinary.
In breath. In survival. In rest. In hope that flickers but never fully goes out.
๐ฌ Closing Thoughts
If youโre listening today and youโre still waiting on healingโ
Still asking why. Still hurting. Still holding onโฆ
Please know this:
You are not forgotten. You are not less faithful. You are not alone.
You are allowed to wrestle. You are allowed to question.
And your faith is not broken just because your body still is.
There is space here for your grief and your belief.
And Iโm holding that space with you.