Episode Description
What does depression really look like? For Kristen Van Horn, it didn’t mean crying in bed or skipping daily routines—it meant anger, irritability, and feeling disconnected from a life that “should” have made her happy. In this honest conversation, Kristen shares how she finally got the support she needed, what it looks like to maintain her mental health 10 years later, and why rest is actually productive. Whether you’re in the thick of it or figuring out what healing looks like, this episode will remind you that you’re not alone—and it can get better.
Memorable Quotes
- Depression doesn’t always look like crying in bed. Sometimes it looks like anger and irritability.” – Kristen Van Horn
- “I was with my favorite person in the world, doing what I loved, and I wasn’t happy. That’s when I knew something was wrong.” – Kristen Van Horn
- “Your schedule should fit your life the way your medication fits your diagnosis.” – April Aramanda
- “It sounds so cliché, but it does get better. I’ve been at rock bottom, and I’m still here.” – Kristen Van Horn
Links
Transcription
April Aramanda: Kristen, I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for coming.
Kristen Van Horn: I’m so excited to be here.
April Aramanda: That’s awesome. let’s dive straight in. So, we’re going to start with your story. When did you first realize that…
April Aramanda: what you were feeling might be I’m tongue tied today, y’all.
Kristen Van Horn: It’s all good.
April Aramanda: might be more than just being tired or being emotional.
Kristen Van Horn: I think when I first realized that there was something wrong with me. I was sitting my husband and…
Kristen Van Horn: I had gone on a trip to Chicago. We live in St. And so we drove up to Chicago and we were going for a race and this is not part of the story so that you get a little bit of context…
April Aramanda: Yeah. Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: but my husband went in. We didn’t want to pay to park at the convention center to pick up our race packet. So I went in did everything that I needed to do. I was being paid to be there at the time. I was a running blogger and so I was at the start of the influencer thing years ago when Tik Tok and Instagram really didn’t exist and blogging did. and so that’s what influencers were. And so I was getting paid to do stuff. So I had to take certain pictures and things. And I came back out and let my husband go in to get his packet. And I just remember feeling this overwhelming sense of I’m getting paid to be here, but I’m just not happy. There’s something wrong with me. who doesn’t love a trip that you’re getting not only are you getting paid for, you’re doing something you love. I was running. I was with my favorite person in the world. But I wasn’t happy.
Kristen Van Horn: And so I knew that there was something wrong with me that this just isn’t normal. I should be happy. I should be enjoying life. And There was nothing that was making me happy even as a mom of a six-month old at the time.
Kristen Van Horn: So it was a hard part of my life.
April Aramanda: Yeah. …
April Aramanda: depression. We’re talking about it being a hard moment.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. that didn’t happen…
April Aramanda: How did you realize this wasn’t just postpartum, that this was more than that? Okay.
Kristen Van Horn: until after I got diagnosed. because at the time like you said I wasn’t just tired. I wasn’t just sad I was living my life very normally. I had no problem getting up doing my normal routines doing all the things I needed to do. Part of that is what I do with my business now is I’m A planner type person. I love routines. I love habits. I love all those things. So that wasn’t an issue. And I’m not an emotional person. So I wasn’t like crying all the time, but I was always just really irritable and really angry.
Kristen Van Horn: And so after I got diagnosed with depression, I realized looking back and learning more about it doesn’t always manifest as I can’t get out of bed. I can’t live my life. I can’t do all the things that I normally do. I remember looking back to middle school and high school and realizing all those times…
Kristen Van Horn: where I wanted to harm myself or do all the things. Sorry, I should have given a trigger warning, but do all the things that were making me angry and…
April Aramanda: I think that that is so important to recognize that…
Kristen Van Horn: making me feel like I wanted to die and things like that was I realized something I dealt with my entire life, which shouldn’t surprise me because both my mom and my brother deal with depression. I just thought hey, it’s just I can’t get out of bed and crying all the time and that’s just not what I was experiencing. And so until someone told me it always that. looks like extreme anger and irritability and not wanting to be around people who you love and want to spend time with. That is what it can look like too.
April Aramanda: because we’re taught that depression is you don’t enjoy your favorite things anymore.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yeah.
April Aramanda: You sleep too much or sleep too little. you’re crying or you’re just sad all the time.
April Aramanda: And that can be true.
Kristen Van Horn: Absolutely. Absolutely.
April Aramanda: But depression also shows up as anger and…
Kristen Van Horn: And right and…
April Aramanda: irritability and other ways that people don’t realize that is depression.
Kristen Van Horn: I’ve seen it both ways where, a lot of people who are dealing with a short-term circumstantial depression really exhibit more of that they just want to sleep all the time because that’s the only time they can get their mind off of what’s happening.
Kristen Van Horn: Typically, it’s like something happened to them in their personal life, a death of someone where that’s all they want to do. And that is perfectly normal as depression. But when it is more of that chronic depression, it’s not always going to manifest itself in that I can’t get up and live my life like I normally would.
April Aramanda: Mhm. Yeah.
April Aramanda: So you shared with me a powerful moment sitting in your car in Chicago, sobbing but not understanding what’s wrong.
April Aramanda: So, what was happening in your life during that time that put you in that place of, okay, something’s wrong. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. I remember after that I sat there in the car and…
Kristen Van Horn: googled what is this postpartum depression? Because I was six months out. typically with my first child it was the first six weeks were really hard but after the six weeks I was fine. Everything was fine. And then as soon as I had my son, a switch flipped in my head and there was something different about me. And so I said,…
Kristen Van Horn: I know I’ve had it my entire life, but I remember thinking there’s something wrong with me. I’m going to Google symptoms. And finally, I found a resource that I shared with you that is called postpartum progress. And all of a sudden I am experiencing that. And I think the thing that really helped me realize it is later, a couple days later, I was on vacation and sitting and feeding my son and just sobbing and going …
April Aramanda: Mhm. Right.
Kristen Van Horn: I’m just not happy. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to do this anymore. Just thinking of ways to just not be in my life. It wasn’t necessarily suicidal, but it was more of the only thing that I thought would make me happy was just leaving everything behind. I envisioned myself taking my car and…
April Aramanda: Yeah. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: driving to Colorado because I was like I just need to start over. I don’t want to be here anymore. And so I was like, “Okay, I don’t think that this is normal. I think that I probably need to get some help.” and…
Kristen Van Horn: had a random checkup with my OB and had circled something that I thought I was dealing with depression. I thought I was suicidal. And she’s like, okay. let’s talk about this a little bit.” So, I always attribute it back to her of being the person who actually saved my life and made the biggest difference in my life.
April Aramanda: That’s always awesome when you have a doctor that actually takes a second and…
April Aramanda: sees those things on the checklist most of the time that doesn’t happen.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yeah.
April Aramanda: So what was it like trying to navigate this? You’ve got what, two kids at this point, And you’re completely disconnected from yourself. You have no ide.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yeah.
April Aramanda: So, what was that like to kind of navigate that?
Kristen Van Horn: I would love to say that I leaned on my husband a lot for support and…
April Aramanda: Is Okay. Right.
Kristen Van Horn: things like that but I am a very independent person and it’s a thing that I am learning through time as a type A independent person is I have to ask for help and so at the time I was very very not good at that. but it was something that as I’ve still dealing with this my son is now So 10 years later, as I’m still dealing with this, still on medication, I’m realizing when I start to have those moments because even being medicated, it doesn’t always go away. There are still times where I feel desperate and that, life isn’t going the way I want it to and the best thing I could do for everyone is just not be here anymore.
Kristen Van Horn: But I realize when those things happen, I have to open up a line of communication with someone. Whether it’s, we talked about opening up Chad and…
April Aramanda: Right.
Kristen Van Horn: just letting my Chad GBT be my therapist for a while, hey, this is what I’m experiencing. What do you think I should do? Because sometimes it’s just a decision fatigue type thing. But also it’s knowing that has really opened up a line of communication between me and my husband. because now he knows …
Kristen Van Horn: that’s what it looks like.” And will actually kind of call me out if I am acting irritable or…
April Aramanda: Yeah. Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: if I’m, acting angrier than normal and he’ll be like, “Hey, just wanted to double check that you took some medicine today because this is not normal behavior for you.” I’m like, ” you’re right. I think I forgot today. Gotten a lot better about it.” But it is something where having that open line of communication and someone who fully supports me has been really helpful, especially when I’m dealing with one of those it like issues that I’m going through at the time.
April Aramanda: Yeah, that is so important to have people in our lives that actually do support us. Sometimes that’s difficult. even in the beginning of you saying you said,…
April Aramanda: I’m a very independent person, which I am too, and having to learn how to do that so that your husband could be that person for you.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yeah.
April Aramanda: It goes both ways.
April Aramanda: And I think that you’ve got an amazing relationship there where your husband actually does that for you. so that’s a good thing. and there’s still so much stigma around depression. it’s crazy in a world…
April Aramanda: where Gen Z and now Gen Alpha has shown us more because I mean I’m Gen X. yeah, that has shown us that being emotional is okay and that in therapy is okay. It’s still such a stigma around depression, especially when it comes to taking medication. Some people can do shortterm,…
Kristen Van Horn: I’m the one though. Yeah.
April Aramanda: some people can do long-term.
April Aramanda: So, I greatly appreciate you saying, you’ve been on medication for 10 years and you may be on it for the rest of your life, but that’s okay because that puts you in a place where you get to be a mother and a wife and a friend and a business owner and all the different things that you’re trying to do. can you share a little bit of how your husband has helped you through this? not just calling you out from time to time, but other ways that he’s been the kind of support system that actually has made a difference for you. Yes.
Kristen Van Horn: Yep. Yeah,…
Kristen Van Horn: I think it comes down to my personality type it takes a while for me to trust and to open up to p people. again being independent as that person. And my husband and I have been together for I think we realized it’s been 24 years or…
Kristen Van Horn: something like that. some crazy amount of time that we’ve been dating, married for almost 18. and even, those first 10 years were hard because I was still very independent and…
April Aramanda: Yes. Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: I didn’t fully feel like I could open up everything to him, which is crazy to think about that. But once I realized that he was a safety net for me, that we could be that person for each other, because there’s times where he is experiencing low points in his life that I need to be that person there for him.
April Aramanda: Yes. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: And so by being that person for him, I know that he will also be that person for me. And it has been the thing where it goes both ways and has worked really well for our relationship and having that communication and knowing hey sometimes we need to take on the role of that person. I don’t know if it was Mel Robbins podcast. I think so. she talked about with a marriage sometimes you need to be open to …
Kristen Van Horn: how much can you give that day sometimes I can only give 10% and…
April Aramanda: Yeah. Right.
Kristen Van Horn: so he needs to be 90%. And so I think knowing that and being able to communicate and say “Hey, this is the way that I’m feeling or just seeing it on that person so well and seeing that on there I know when he’s at even a 5% stage, I need to be that 95%. So how can I be that and show up for him?” So, I think that it’s definitely a give and take, but understanding and trusting that person and having that communication or having just that visual communication of I can see that you’re not doing well,…
April Aramanda: Yeah. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: so I’m going to take on the role that you need me to be and to be the parent to our kids I need to be that 95% and you can be the 5% today. Yeah.
April Aramanda: And that’s so important to have that kind of relationship in your life.
April Aramanda: It makes a huge difference in your mental health, all of the pieces. Plus, you’re able to continue to grow a relationship. I think people think once you get married after so many, the honeymoon phase that your relationship stops like you have to stop growing.
April Aramanda: I mean, you guys are almost 18 years in,…
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. 18.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yes.
April Aramanda: and we’re still learning things about each other, and that’s okay. Yeah, that’s true.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. I mean, I think that our relationship I mean, I would say the first 10 years were probably the hardest. And now that we’ve had over that hump, I was like, ” this is actually great.” it’s like the honeymoon phase. Part of it is because our kids are older, so it’s a little bit easier to help,…
April Aramanda: It does help. Exactly.
Kristen Van Horn: but at the same time, you’ve been with that person so long that they’re not just your spouse, they’re really your best friend. Yeah. Yeah.
April Aramanda: how do you care for your mental health these days, especially as someone who’s juggling still motherhood, but they’re now teenagers, business and all the other things that go on in life? how are you handling your mental health now outside of medication?
Kristen Van Horn: So, one thing it’s always been really important to me, obviously with the story that I told at the beginning, is having some kind of exercise in my life. I need to have that time, not just for the mental health aspect that exercise does for you, but also typically when I’m exercising, that’s the time that I get alone. And so it’s always the first thing that I do in the morning because that’s the only guaranteed time that I will have to get it done and…
Kristen Van Horn:
April Aramanda: Right. Okay.
Kristen Van Horn: not be bothered. So I’m always getting out of the house, either going for a run, going to the gym, and even I work from home. So I can after I finish my day, one of the things I do to kind of shut down for the day is I go for a walk right after lunch. And so then I can kind of be like, okay, I’m done with work and now I move on to the next thing. So, kind of compartmentalizing with those breaks throughout my day has really helped. but I’ve learned about myself is that I need a lot of time for me.
April Aramanda: Mhm. …
Kristen Van Horn: One of the things that I really struggled with when I was in the throws of depression, I was working full-time as a teacher and I never got that break. And I realized that Yes.
April Aramanda: I know that.
Kristen Van Horn: I re Yeah. Yeah. You were a teacher,…
Kristen Van Horn: too. I realized that if I didn’t give myself time, even if it’s just 15 to 30 minutes to just dissociate, to just unwind for the day,…
April Aramanda: right? Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: that I’m a much better person. So, like the saying goes, you cannot pour from an empty cup. You have to fill your cup up somehow. And I know that that’s such a cliche like mental health saying, but I really do believe that as someone who has suffered with mental health issues. I think that that is something that’s so important that most people miss is having again having that communication with your spouse or with your partner to have that time to yourself because it is important. Yes.
April Aramanda: Yes, mine’s usually a I walk around Target with my coffee and I just take it slow and easy. And most of the time, I buy a little something. Sometimes I buy a lot of something.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah, that is my favorite day of the week is Friday mornings. I go to Starbucks,…
Kristen Van Horn: get my coffee, and then I go do my grocery shopping and chores for errands for the week.
April Aramanda: Yes. Right.
Kristen Van Horn: And I was like, this is my favorite day because it’s me time. And even in the summer, my daughter always wants to come with me because she wants Starbucks. And I’m like, no, no, I’ll bring it home to you because I just really need that time to just have Yes.
April Aramanda: That’s good. You’re guarding your time. Yeah. …
April Aramanda: so you mentioned your daughter, and your kids. So, I’m imagining that you are paying very close attention to their mental health having gone through this for so long. So, tell me about that. what are you looking for? What do you see or not see? That kind of a thing. Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: So, my daughter is 13 now, so she’s in the middle of middle school. seeing all the teenage things, going through all the hormones and things, but I also am seeing a lot of the reactions that I would have when I was her age when I didn’t realize I was going through that.
April Aramanda: Mhm. Right.
Kristen Van Horn: Like you said, Gen Alpha are very aware of those things. So, she is very emotional compared to me. She is very open. Thank goodness. I really appreciate that about her. And so, we’ve had conversations about it. And with mental health being a little bit more talked about now, they have the safeguards at the pediatrician where when we go, she has to fill out a mental health there, which I so appreciate. And I work really hard to be like, I don’t want to see I want you to feel like you can put whatever you want on that form and…
April Aramanda: Are you okay? Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: you don’t need to worry about me seeing it. But the fact that when she is struggling, she will come and talk to me about it. And she is with social media very open about posting things on social media on Snapchat and things like that. And so I also have safeguards there where I have friends and family members who are like, “Hey, I think my Kenna’s not doing too well.” I’m like, “I know we’ve already talked about it.” So it’s having that open line of communication. I will say I’m not a perfect parent. And so I’m very blessed to have a child who is willing to communicate and feels comfortable and safe with me doing that, but I also know how I felt when I was her age and feeling like I couldn’t talk to anyone. Not that my parents did anything wrong, but I just wanted to make sure that she felt safe enough to talk to me.
Kristen Van Horn: and we’ve talked about counselors and therapists and things like that and being open with her feelings with us to make sure that she’s okay.
Kristen Van Horn: There’s still things that we need to explore with counseling and things because there’s a lot.
April Aramanda: Yeah. Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: It’s overwhelming as a parent to find exactly what she needs to get the support she needs, but being aware of what it looks like outside of just a kid who doesn’t want to go to school or is staying in their room all the time, those are very normal things for a teenager to experience. But seeing self harm tendencies or anger tendencies or just things that you might not notice that are things to make sure that they have an open line of communication with you.
April Aramanda: Yeah, that is so unbelievably important. And I really applaud you and your husband for having that type of relationship with your children because even the most well-meaning parents sometimes don’t have that type of relationship.
Kristen Van Horn: Right. Yeah.
April Aramanda: And so it’s so important that your kids know that when push comes to shove, they know where they can go to and…
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yeah.
April Aramanda: they know who they can talk to. So that’s Awesome. Yes.
Kristen Van Horn: She’s a very open person with her feelings and I love that about her. And also it can be very uncomfortable for me, but I’m so glad that she’s very open and want to communicate things like that.
April Aramanda: We’re going to shift gears a little bit here and…
Kristen Van Horn: .
April Aramanda: we’re going to talk about your business. So, you’re the founder of KVHCO, which is Kristen Van Hornco. Company, and you created a planner called Slay Your Schedule Planner.
Kristen Van Horn: Yes. Yeah.
April Aramanda: So, I’ve worked with you on and off for a very long time before you even did this new venture of yours.
Kristen Van Horn: Yes. Yes. Yes.
April Aramanda: Can you share what led you to start this type of thing?
April Aramanda: what led you to create this planner and how it’s different from traditional planners? Because as a planner girl, I have bought way too many and I have used little most of them. Guilty.
Kristen Van Horn: And that’s what I realized is I love a planner. I loved one of my favorite things is to go to Target and go look at all the planners and just kind of flip through them, see what they’re like, and trying all the things. And even, you can’t see it here, but on in my shelves are all the planners that I’ve used in the past. I still keep them because I don’t know, there’s something about a planner that just makes me so happy. that was part of it is like I love a planner. And I always thought my big long-term vision was to write a book. I was like, ” I love writing.” That’s the thing. I was like, “You know what?
Kristen Van Horn: I’ve done even more than that than love writing. I love to plan. I just love it so much. And I had read a book about bullet journaling and that’s always something that I wanted to do, but I’m not artistic and I’m not creative and I was like, I don’t want to spend all this time, putting stickers in a planner and color coding everything and doing all these things. I just want something that’s really functional and is going to keep me organized in everything in one place. And so that’s kind of what I was looking for. And so two year I spent two years kind of testing out layouts, figuring out what worked best for me and realized, okay, I think I started doing the same thing week after week after week and I was like, this is it. And so I wanted something that was extremely functional that people would actually use, but was also really flexible so that if the entire layout doesn’t work for you, you can kind of adapt it to yourself.
Kristen Van Horn: So, for me, I love a bird’s eye view overview of my week. And so, it’s a weekly layout. So, I can see my entire week in one sitting as well as my to-do list for the week. And then one of the things as a time and business strategist is we tend to overfocus on too many things and so we never actually move things forward in our business. And so the other thing that I wanted to make sure was in there was focusing on three priorities for the day instead of working off that So while I have my full to-do list that I can see, I’m only focus on the three things for that day.
Kristen Van Horn: And so it made it really easy for me to move things forward in my business to get things done that needed to get done and to kind of go like even today before we got on this I was like okay I got everything I needed to get done for the day so I think that I can be done for the day because I know I have time later on in the week. And so I wanted something that was also really short and focused. So, it’s a 90-day planner versus a long planner…
Kristen Van Horn: because who doesn’t love to buy a new planner and open up to a fresh page and not have to wait a year for it and you only have to wait three months. But it also allows you to set goals that will help you move forward strategically instead of just kind of flailing around and not looking at your goals for a year because they sat in the front of your planner for a year.
April Aramanda: I do love the 90day part…
April Aramanda: because especially as business owners we tend to plan in quarters and…
Kristen Van Horn: Yes. Yeah.
April Aramanda: so 90 days is a quarter and that kind of helps us understand, what we’re doing for that quarter. One of the things you do with your clients is that you help them create their ideal schedule and you really lean heavily into time blocking.
Kristen Van Horn: And I think the two of us worked on that together probably several years ago.
April Aramanda: So, as someone with chronic illness who can’t always follow the schedule, talk to us about time blocking and all of that. Yes, we did.
Kristen Van Horn: But yeah, so the thing about time blocking is I’m not gonna give you this rigid rules that you have to follow because that doesn’t work. If you like I’m in a different stage of life than a new mom.
Kristen Van Horn:
April Aramanda: No. Mhm. Right.
Kristen Van Horn: I’m in a different stage of life than you are with a chronic illness where you are going to appointments all the times and things like that. I can have a very structured standard schedule that I follow every day. Not much changes in it. That doesn’t work for everyone. So I’m not going to go like this is exactly how you have to do it. So I like to work with people with time blocking and setting up a day that works for them. So, it might look like, okay, hey, my day, it’s all over the place. I really never know when I can do things. Cool. Let’s work with that. Maybe we look at a day at a time. Instead of planning out or blocking out your entire week,…
April Aramanda: Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: let’s block it a day at a time or starting in the morning. what are the things that need to get done today and when are you going to get it done? It doesn’t have to be this rigid thing that you have to follow every single day. It can be very flexible. It really does circle back to those priorities and making sure that what the focus is for the day so that you can get those priorities done in a time that works for you. But it also comes down and this is one of the first things I teach is having some awareness of how long things take and where your time is going. So if we don’t have that general awareness of how long things take you, even if it’s just like I want to, vacuum my house for the day,…
Kristen Van Horn: how long does that actually take you? if you’re thinking that you can do it in 10 minutes and it takes you two hours like that you’re going to feel frustrated at the end of the day. So having some of that awareness around it and…
April Aramanda: Yeah. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: then we can really work on okay what works best for you. Do we need to have a weekly structure that looks the same every single day or do we need to look at it on what are the priorities for the day and when am I going to fit this in?
April Aramanda: I think one of the things that we talked about several years ago now when we tried to do mine …
April Aramanda: which has changed so many times over the last couple of years was thinking in terms of …
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Right.
April Aramanda: for the day? What is the overall idea? So for someone with a business I have to batch content. I have to do podcast episodes.
April Aramanda: I have to do, all the little pieces. And I’m still a one-man show, so I’m doing literally everything.
Kristen Van Horn: Mhm. Yeah.
April Aramanda: Lord help me. so I really resonate with that idea as a chronic illness person trying to run a business and still having a family and a life and all of that and being a grandmother to my grandbabies. And so the idea of having kind of a focus for each day,…
Kristen Van Horn: Yep. Yeah.
April Aramanda: which is one of the things I really like about the way you’ve set up your planner, I have that sheet here somewhere. There we go. Is because what you teach is a top three. So can you kind of explain the top three for the day versus the rest of the planner?
April Aramanda: .
Kristen Van Horn: So, are your top three priorities for the day, but it can look different. So, it could be the top three things on your to-do list, but I also like to, like you said, kind of have a theme with it. what are the top three overall priorities?
April Aramanda: Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: So, is it for me with the mental health aspect, I need some me time. How am I going to fit that into my schedule? So, what does that look like? What is the time block that I can fit that in? It might change every single day.
Kristen Van Horn: It might not. so another one would be family. When are you spending time with your family? When is that a priority? And then what is your work block or what is your main focus for the day? So for someone…
April Aramanda: Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: who has a nineto-ive job, that’s pretty obvious when that is. For someone like me and where our jobs are a little bit more flexible, we need to figure out okay, I have a business to run. H how many hours am I going to work today? Where does that fit in? And so having those top three overall priorities that you want to focus on, family, self, and business or work, and then also having your top three to-do list priorities that you focus on, too. But I think it just makes it easier to know.
Kristen Van Horn: It’s kind of like budgeting where you’re not gonna look, you’re not gonna go thing by thing and…
Kristen Van Horn: go I’m gonna have this category gas is one category, but insurance is another category and…
April Aramanda: Mhm.
Kristen Van Horn: auto maintenance is another category.” No, that’s all auto. We want to keep it all together. things go together. It makes it a lot more simple to go okay, I can actually have two blocks of selftime, which is great. I have mine in the morning and then, 30 minutes before my daughter gets off the bus that I can have to read or…
April Aramanda: Mhm. So…
Kristen Van Horn:
Kristen Van Horn: do whatever. So, it simplifies it just a little bit to make it so that you’re not so overwhelmed and you’re finding time for the things that actually important to you.
April Aramanda: then let’s use an example. If I wake up in the morning and I’m having a great day, then my top three could be actual tasks that need to be done, whether I’m sitting at my desk or I need to do something in the kitchen or whatever.
April Aramanda: But on the days when I wake up and…
April Aramanda: I feel really fatigued and I feel in a lot of pain and I can’t do physically what I could do before, then on those days my top three might want to be something more along the lines of self-care and the one thing that I absolutely have to do today. Correct.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: Absolutely. Yeah. It’s a top three, but it can be more than. So, I always give you three things to focus on. Pick your top three things that need to get done today. If you can’t do that today,…
April Aramanda: Mhm. Right.
Kristen Van Horn: that’s even for someone without a chronic illness, some days are going to be busier than others where you might have, batching podcasts all day. Those are your priorities. It might not look likely getting things crossed off a to-do list. And I think we have to flip that switch growing a business isn’t just the things that we’re checking off our list. Sometimes growing a business is actually doing the client forward work and getting on calls and doing those of things. And so it’s not crossing things off the to-do list. So yes, even when you’re feeling like things get things done and we have only so much control and that’s something that I like to talk about. We can only control…
Kristen Van Horn: what we can control. You might wake up and you might feel sick and that means that nothing on your to-do list is going to get done and that’s okay.
April Aramanda: Right. Yeah.
April Aramanda: I like that. I like that.
April Aramanda: I think this goes along with something that you’ve said before where your schedule should fit your life the way your medication fits your diagnosis. I absolutely love that. And I think that’s what we’ve been talking about is that some days your schedule’s going to work out great and some days, the schedule is screwed, but you’re okay.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yeah.
April Aramanda: What’s something that you wish more women understood about prog productivity and…
April Aramanda: rest, especially those of us with living with mental health issues or chronic illness?
Kristen Van Horn: I think that rest is actually productive…
Kristen Van Horn: because again we cannot pour from an empty cup and if we are trying to force ourselves to do things when we’re not feeling well or doing too much and not giving ourselves the margin virgin that we need. It’s going to be really hard to keep moving forward and you’re going to end up feeling sick, burnt out, whatever it is. And that’s not going to help. Then you’re going to be set back. It’s like as a runner,…
April Aramanda: Right. Thank you. Yes.
Kristen Van Horn: it’d be like, ” my foot’s starting to hurt and I’m going to keep running on it and then it’s starting to hurt more and I’m going to keep running on it until eventually I break my foot and then I can’t run at all.” It’s the same thing. I think we are in a culture where it productivity in being busy all the time is this badge of honor because how many times have we said and I am just as guilty of this is someone says how you doing you’re great busy but good I’m really not that busy and we think that we have to say the reason I didn’t call you was because I’m too busy no the reason I didn’t call you is because it’s not a priority and that’s
Kristen Van Horn: So, rest is productivity. You can be productive by just giving yourself time to rest.
Kristen Van Horn: And I basically plan my week around having rest over the week.
April Aramanda: I think that’s so true is that…
April Aramanda: if I don’t pick up the phone call from you, it’s because it wasn’t a Priority what you Okay,…
April Aramanda: let me try this again. I’m trying to think of how to say this. So, you can be as busy as all get out,…
Kristen Van Horn: Mhm. Yep.
April Aramanda: but you will make time for the things you prioritize. Did you scroll on TikTok for an hour? Guilty of that. did you decide not to pick up the phone or text that person and just say, “Hey, I would love to talk, but I can’t right now.” You make time for the things that are priority.
April Aramanda: And so,…
Kristen Van Horn: No. Mhm.
April Aramanda: rest should be one of those things that’s put in as a priority. So should the other things in productivity that you need to get done. You just have to decide what days those are going to work on. And let’s say I woke up today. today is not going to be a very productive day. Okay, I’m going to rest today.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. That’s your priority. Yeah.
April Aramanda: That’s productive. Yes, that’s my priority. So, I love that. So, as we’re kind of wrapping things up,…
April Aramanda: I want to ask a few questions of you that might help someone listening to this figure out kind of what to do and where to start. So, what do you want someone to know who’s in the thick of it right now? The woman who’s feeling like she just can’t do this anymore.
Kristen Van Horn: I hate saying this…
Kristen Van Horn: because it sounds so cliche, but it does get better. And being with someone who is just kind of experiencing this, it’s hard to say that, but giving them the reassurance like listen, I have been there. I’ve been at the rock bottom and I’m You’re still living. Give yourself the time that you need. It doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen overnight,…
Kristen Van Horn: but just know that it can get better, but we have to make some steps towards that. But I’m having someone there to support I would say that to someone like I’m here to support you. And I always like to check on my postpartum mamas…
April Aramanda: Yeah. Right.
Kristen Van Horn: because I know that that is the hardest thing especially when you’re a brand new mom and You don’t know. It’s so hard those first six weeks just to get through it. But just knowing it’s not going to be this way forever. that’s just not what it is. Now an illness is different, but you’re going to have good days and bad days, but remember that there are good days.
April Aramanda: Yeah. Yeah. what resources or tools helped you the most on this journey?
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. the website postpartum progress was so helpful. I think I just did a Google search on it…
April Aramanda: Right. Mhm. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: because that was the thing that told me that depression, especially postpartum depression, doesn’t necessarily look like I’m crying all the time and I can’t get out of bed and I can’t function and I’m not in psychosis. I’m still levelheaded. there’s something wrong. And I didn’t know what it was. So, that website was extremely helpful. And I’m going to toot my own horn a little bit, but I would say having some kind of structure and having some kind of rhythm and routine to your day it does help, especially if you’re in a low point just helps you get out of bed helps you do things. Again, with someone who was just going through this, I suggested “Hey, why don’t you just go for a walk? Just try to do something.” And they came back, they’re like, ” that actually made me feel a lot better.” I’m like, “Okay, good. We’re making some progress.”
Kristen Van Horn: Just trying to do the normal everyday things even though it feels hard can really help just at least take your mind off some of the things.
April Aramanda: Yeah, I think one of the things I talk about a lot is noticing gratitude. And so I have a little yearly calendar.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. I love that.
April Aramanda: That one’s a two-year. and…
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah. Yep.
April Aramanda: It’s just a months and I literally write in there every day one little thing I am grateful for.
Kristen Van Horn: I too one little
April Aramanda: I miss some days. It’s not perfect, but the thing about what we’re talking about is that you can shift your mindset. You can rewire your brain to notice the right things and not the wrong things. And so, it’s kind of I’ve said this analogy before.
April Aramanda: It’s kind of like you buy a new car and you’re driving down the road and it’s this brand new beautiful white car and…
April Aramanda: all of a sudden you see that white car in that exact style everywhere because what you are focused on is what you’re looking for. So, if we’re focusing on the gratitude and we’re focusing on the good days and we’re focusing on the parts that we can control and that we can be in, those are the things that will help us rewire the days when the bad days hit and…
Kristen Van Horn: Yep. Exactly.
April Aramanda: we’re like, “This sucks.” And instead of spiraling like crazy and I don’t want to be here anymore and I don’t want to do this anymore, we can still be upset and still be,…
Kristen Van Horn: Okay. Yep.
April Aramanda: in that moment, but we also know in the back of our minds that God is still sustaining us and that God is still on the throne because that’s how because we’re starting to rewire our brains.
April Aramanda: So even the bad days be you can notice a good thing.
Kristen Van Horn: Yeah, I totally agree. And it’s something that I practice every single day. It is one of the first things that I do before I actually start working for the day is I pull out my little gratitude journal. Mine’s just a notebook…
April Aramanda: Yep. Yes.
Kristen Van Horn: where I just write down the date And some days writing something that I’m grateful for is really easy. And other days I’m really struggling …
April Aramanda: I totally agree.
Kristen Van Horn: what am I grateful for today? What is good about my day? And some days are harder than others, but there’s always something that I can think of that I can be happy for. And today was like I’m so happy that my daughter has a really great best friend who is there for her and…
Kristen Van Horn:
April Aramanda: Yeah. Yes. Yeah.
Kristen Van Horn: a second daughter to me. it can be stupid things like that. It can be like I woke up today or I had a really great workout today. some of them it doesn’t have to be this amazing thing that we always think that we need to get congratulations for. Or it can be a really simple thing that just reminds us …
Kristen Van Horn: yeah, there are really good things happening in my life still.
April Aramanda: Yeah, I agree.
April Aramanda: For anyone who’s resonated with anything that you’ve shared today, how can they connect with you and learn more how to possibly work with you?
Kristen Van Horn: You can head to my website. It’s kristenvanhorn.com or I spend most of my time over on Instagram. My handle is Kristen Van Horn_.
April Aramanda: Kristen, thank you so much for sharing so honestly today. your strategy is such a gift for other people to be able to see that they can have a fulfilling life even with depression. So, we appreciate you. AllKristen Van Horn: Thank you so much for having me.
