When You Can’t Do Normal Anymore
Memorable Quotes:
- “You don’t have to be in mourning to be mourning. Grieving a version of yourself is still grief.”
- “You’re not rebuilding your old life. You’re creating a new one—with wisdom, softness, and strength you didn’t ask for but absolutely have.”
- “Even when your world shrinks, your worth doesn’t.”
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Transcription
Hey friend, welcome back to The Invisible Illness Club Podcast.
Today’s episode is for the ones who are grieving what they used to be able to do.
Maybe you used to be the one who planned the girls’ trips, stayed out late, crushed deadlines, and still made time for Target runs and Tuesday night tacos.
Now? You’re lucky if you make it out of bed and back in again without needing a nap.
If you’ve only left the house a handful of times this year—and every time knocked you flat—you are not alone.
You’re not lazy. You’re not giving up.
You’re grieving.
Let’s talk about that.
Let’s just say it: chronic illness brings a grief that nobody prepares you for.
It’s not loud. It’s not visible.
But it’s always there, tugging at the edges of your life—reminding you of who you used to be.
There are no casseroles for “I can’t go to work anymore.”
No sympathy cards for “I had to cancel plans for the third weekend in a row.”
“You don’t have to be in mourning to be mourning. Grieving a version of yourself is still grief.”
I remember when I was younger and full of energy. I’d be out in the pasture, hauling bales of hay around for the horse like it was nothing. I’d play on the floor with my son, then still have the energy to tackle dishes, cooking, and cleaning. I was spontaneous, just getting up and going whenever I felt like it without a second thought about how my body might react. Traveling was a breeze—I could drive long stretches with my husband without a problem. Now, things are different. I can’t sit still for too long without exhaustion setting in, and I have to think carefully about every move I make. That spontaneity? She’s someone I still miss every day.
Here’s the part no one tells you: this grief isn’t linear.
You don’t go through five stages and then come out the other side all healed and peaceful.
Grief in chronic illness is cyclical.
You might be okay with your limitations one month—and devastated by them the next.
You can feel strong and accepting on a Tuesday and then cry in the shower on Wednesday because your body betrayed you again.
It loops. It spirals. It shows up in places you thought you had peace.
And that’s not a failure. That’s being human in a body that keeps changing the rules.
When you’re not doing what everyone else your age is doing, it’s easy to feel like you’re getting left behind.
Friends are advancing in careers, planning trips, having adventures—
And you’re figuring out which meds won’t interact and how many spoons it takes to shower.
That’s grief. The fear that life is leaving you behind.
But hear me: just because your life looks different doesn’t mean it’s less.
You’re not failing—you’re adapting. That’s survival. And it’s dang impressive.
So how do we cope?
We stop trying to be who we were, and start honoring who we are now.
•Going to the mailbox can count.
•Texting a friend back can count.
•Laughing, even just once, on a hard day? That definitely counts.
This new life might be quieter. But that doesn’t make it meaningless.
It just means we have to get really good at noticing the small wins.
“You’re not rebuilding your old life. You’re creating a new one—with wisdom, softness, and strength you didn’t ask for but absolutely have.”
If you’re listening to this feeling like no one gets it—I do.
And more importantly, we do.
This is why The Invisible Illness Club exists.
To remind you that even when your world shrinks, your worth doesn’t.
You are not weak.
You are not broken.
You are surviving something massive—and that matters.
So if today feels heavy—if the grief is back, if you’re missing your old life—take a breath.
You’re not doing it wrong. This is just part of it.
You are still worthy.
You are still allowed to dream.
And you are not alone.
If this episode spoke to your soul, share it with someone who needs it.
And come hang out in The Unseen Sisterhood.
We’re not meant to carry this alone.